Dear Sis,

It has been such a difficult couple of weeks.  I can’t believe how much this hurts.  I miss Don so much.   I know the kids told you that he passed away.   I also hope you got to listen to my phone message.

I don’t think I told you Karen however the evening I received the news, I had just returned from a beautiful dinner at the top of Whistle mountain.   There were moments, that I would walk away from the group, look out in the distance and take it all in.    It was that evening he died.  I will never forget getting the news.  I was devastated.

The Celebration of Life took place in Vancouver on Tuesday of this week.  The entire day and evening was incredible.    There must have been at least 150 people and Natalie (Marilyn’s daughter) went above and beyond to coordinate all.

There was a memory table (ie. a hat, suitcase, a bird book, a large yellow flashlight that he gave us all to keep under our bed incase of an earthquake) each item was marked as to why this was a “treasure” to him.  Now, to us.

There were pictures, a slide show and several beautiful speeches.    This man was was truly loved.

I decided that not only did I want to speak, I wanted to give people permission to be sad.

Through my tears, I also found strength to remain strong.

Here is my tribute to Don….

“I am someone who loves to write and tell stories.   But for this one, I couldn’t seem to pull it together.  I started writing this over a week ago.  I have so many stories that I could share about Don.  But I thought I would start off by simply being real.

I don’t ever recall being so sad.   I forgot how much it hurts when you lose someone you truly, deeply love.

Many of you know, that I lost my parents at a very young age.    I was 23 when my dad died and 25 when my mom died.   I had just moved out West from Ottawa and at that time, I was introduced to Don who became my father in law.   Over the last 30 years, he became much more to me than that.

He was my dad, my confidant, my go to person for everything and one of my very best friends.   On days when I would feel overwhelmed with “life”,  I would simply call him, just to hear his voice.   He had a way of making me feel balanced again.

I now live on Vancouver Island and I come to Vancouver often for business and pleasure.  I often stay with Don and Marilyn. After dinner, it became a ritual with Don and I to have our late night talks.   Of course I love Marilyn’s company but as soon as she said goodnight, Don and I would watch her go around the corner, up the stairs and then we would turn to each other and say, “OK….time to solve first world problems 🙂 There were evenings we would talk for hours.

If we hadn’t talked in a few weeks, I would get a message from him, “Where the hell are you.”

I know we are all going to die but he wasn’t supposed to die.  I wasn’t finished with him yet.  We still had a lot of ground to cover.

If there is one thing I know for sure, is that he knew how much I loved him and I knew how much he loved me.   I am very grateful for that.

Last week I found a card that Don wrote for my 50th birthday.    The first line read, “You are a daughter to us.”

Marilyn you already know that I think the world of you.  It has also been so wonderful for me to watch the support that you have received from your amazing kids.   When you go through a loss like this, you want to hang on to people who knew and loved this man so much.  I promise you, we are going to keep his memory alive.   The two of you were such an incredible couple.  It was always so comforting for me knowing, he had you in his corner.

This man has not only been part of my life, but he was a huge part of my daughter’s.  He was her Papa.   Telling her he died, was one of the hardest things I have ever had to.   When I told her she kept saying to me, “Mama, I don’t like this feeling.  Please make it stop.” All I could say was, “I know sweetie, I really really know.  It’s a terrible feeling.  None of us like it.”

Several days later, we were driving in the car.  I was listening to her in the back seat telling her friend how special her Papa was.   She kept describing his fun personality, the faces he would make if Tutu said something “different”….and then she said, “and mama do you remember how he would say, “OOooooh myyyyy god !!”  ***side note for you sis,  I said it (as Jenna did) exactly how he sounded xo

There is a movie called, “As good as it gets,” where Jack Nicholson feels so good because “he gets” Helen Hunt who is playing a waitress.  In the movie he says,”I watch them, wondering how they can watch you bring their food and clean their tables and never get that they just met the greatest woman alive. And the fact that I get it makes me feel good, about me.”

This reminds me of Don.  Because he did get it.   He would get to know the bus driver, the waitress, the CEO…he had a wonderful way of connecting with everyone and anyone.   He was someone you always wanted to be around.   Often, we would be sitting in the kitchen on a Friday night and he would say, “Wouldn’t’ you rather be out on the town rather than sitting here with an old guy like me?”  My response  would always be, “No way, I couldn’t be happier being right here with you right now.”

My friend Kerri, who could not be here today, wrote this to me, last night….

“You brought out the effervescence in each other.  You adored each other and it was clear to anyone that was around you.  There was a deep respect for each other and at the same time share the belief that one mustn’t take one too seriously.  You guys were good at that balance.     Personally I loved the way you gossiped together.” 

If there is one thing I know for sure, is that this man enhanced my life.

Don, both Jenna and I will miss you forever.

Sis, I know how much you loved him as well.  In my next blog, I need to share a few stories about him.  Or at least the one about my ears 🙂 wink wink

I love you sis,

Kathy xo

ps. I don’t have any pictures from the Celebration of Life.   I wish I would have taken a picture of Jenna in her beautiful dress.  She looked so sweet.    I can’t even explain how much that little girl loved him 🙁

 

ps.  So much has happened in the last few weeks….I will give you a quick snap shot below because I really have not been in touch and I feel so bad sorry !!!

Last weekend I stayed at The Chateau for our Annual mother / daughter weekend.  The one where Jenna gets mad at me because I don’t take her and use another girl as my daughter lol it all started a few years ago.     It is my friend Christine’s daughter and her friend.    This has become a tradition with the 4 of us.  However on this trip, I asked if they could all join me in the lounge, start our weekend off with a glass of Crown Royal, tall glass, lots of ice.  Don’s favourite.   So we had a toast…..

 

Oh yah, end of May I rappelled down a building again for Make A Wish Foundation.   We raised over $60,000 to help grant wishes for kids on Vancouver Island, who have a life threatening disease.   Still just as scary the third time round but I loved it.    Jenna volunteered again as the gear girl !!

 

This was the evening Don died.  I was at the top Whistler mountain, at an off site event with the conference was attending.  I felt such peace that night.   As I stood outdoors, I was actually taking in each breath, slowly.  Just breathing.   How interesting.

 

 

 

 

 Post celebration, Jenna and I were in Vancouver for a couple of days.  We went to visit some friends at all three Fairmont’s and had the best damn gelato ever !!!   Last night I returned home, exhausted.   Kerri stayed with me as she was en route home from business in Tofino to Vancouver.  When I arrived home, she had dinner all organized.    We were able to go for a walk and sit on my swing.     I finally had a chance to catch my breath xo