Dear Sis,

Before I begin my blog, I do have to say that tonight I learned, “How to post a video to my site”.    Yes, I somehow managed to do one in the past –  the video with the kids from the orphanage all singing Happy Birthday to me – but I have no idea how I did that.   It is not difficult, it is simply taking the time to learn something new.

Tonight I called GoDaddy and said, “OK, I did a little research and my understanding is that I need to open a YouTube account and download a video to YouTube first in order for me to upload the video to my blog, is that corect?” He said, “Yes that is correct.”  My response, “OK well I thought I would double check because I don’t really like that.   I don’t want to have to put my private videos out there to the world on YouTube.   So is there another way I can do this ?”  His response, “Uuummm is that not what you are already doing when you  blogging?”   Ok he has a point 🙂

I do really enjoy blogging.   I still feel a little uncomfortable about putting private “stuff” out there.   When I saw there were over 700 views on Jenna’s dance video on Facebook (I don’t even know why or how that view button comes up) it actually made me feel a bit weird.   I don’t know why but it did.  I shared the video (as I am doing below) because yes I am proud of her.  But I also shared it because I think it makes people feel happy.    Everyone can relate to it.  Especially her MJ moves at the end.

Sis, what gave me to urge to blog tonight, is that I found something that Jenna wrote, earlier in the school year.  I love reading something again and absorbing it all in a different way based on where you are at in your life.

There is an inspirational day called “We day”.  It is worldwide.   I believe it is mostly grade 7’s who fill a stadium.  There are renowned speakers and performers.  In order to attend you need to write in the reasons why you feel you should go as there are only so many complimentary tickets given to the schools.

When I read her letter  tonight, I read it a little more slowly, absorbing it.   Thinking about each “topic” she noted.

She wrote about some volunteer work she has done, how she enjoys helping people and how she wants to inspire people.

But there were two notes that she wrote that were personal to me.

Jenna wrote about how having no grandparents makes her stronger.  By them not being here,  she still wants to make them proud.

Karen, I often think how unfortunate it is that our mom and dad have 5 grandkids, they never got the chance to meet.    At times now I think, there is no need to overthink it, because we will never have the answers as to “why”.  The mystery of life that no one can solve.  Death.   So, I do my best now to move forward, looking outward and ahead.

Jenna also wrote about how her parents aren’t together anymore.  But that she has nothing to complain about because some people have no parents and some parents don’t even talk to each other.    She talked about your kids Karen, Samantha and Carter.   How you,  their mom, has been in the hospital since they were little.

They way Jenna and I live our lives is by focusing on what we have, instead of what we don’t have.  Gratitude.

As you know Karen, we have Auntie Joyce who lives in White Rock.  She has been a surrogate grandma to Jenna.   We are so fortunate to have her in our life.   Someone we grew up with, married to our dad’s brother, she is still very much in our life.  We  love her so much.

We also have Don and Marilyn.  Two people who are not biologically related but in every  way surrogate grandparents to Jenna.   One of my favourite comment’s from Jenna, was a few years ago, when we were in the car with her and some of her school friends.  She started talking about Don and Marilyn and she referred to them as her Papa and Tutu.  One of the girls said, “Oh who are they?”   Jenna responded, “They are my grandparents.  Well like my grandparents.  My mom was married to Papa’s son Colin before my dad.  Oh never mind, it’s complicated.”  And when she looked right at me in the rear view mirror, we both had a big smile on our face.   Our modern family.

Karen, I have always tried to teach Jenna that everything happens for a reason.   We don’t always have all the answers as to why and it is important to live your life and simply trust.

A couple of months ago she said to me, “Mama, it’s ok if you want to start dating.   I’m really OK with that,”  lol  I thought to myself, “ok, who IS the adult in this relationship ???”

But then I thought “Wow, it has been 7 years, just she and I”.   Sure I have met some men along the way.  However the only one she ever met was the man I jumped right into a relationship with 2 months after Jenna’s dad and I separated.   He and I only dated for 8 months.  He then cheated on me and it took me 1.5 years to move on from him.   I had some interesting emotions going on back then.   Believing he would change for me and hanging in there because that is what I did.     What I learned from that experience and about myself, was a gift.   It has contributed to who I am today.  All my past relationships have.  But that is a whole blog in itself one day 🙂  “Being Single at 50.” :):):)   Karen we can talk about men like we always used to do!!! xoxo

It is nice to feel calmness.  I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now.   This is my year of really trying to be in the moment.  Slow down my monkey mind, say no more often, read more books, do everything possible outdoors, hang out with Jenna and decide where the next far far away place is I want to go, discover and just be.

Looking so forward to seeing you this weekend Sis !!!  So grateful that Jenna and I  get to celebrate both Easter and your birthday with you.

MUAH !!!

See you in 3 more sleeps !!

I love you sis,

Kathy xo