Dear sis,

I was going to blog about beautiful Canggu (I really love this little beach town I am in) or about a very heartfelt note that I received via a friends wife.  However, today’s blog is simply about me owning some actions.   I cannot wait one more day.

Karen,  I am very guilty of something.  As I am writing this, I know my daughter Jenna will also be reading this.   She too needs to hear this.  I am hopeful that not only she but many will learn a lesson from what I am going to share.

First, I just need to go back to two years ago.   At that time Jenna was eleven.  One day she asked me, “Mama, you should not be touching your phone while you are driving.  It is wrong.  How about anytime you touch your phone, I get $50.00.”  I responded by laughing and saying, “No way!!!”.

For the next two weeks, I kept thinking about how I responded.   What the hell was I thinking ?  Why is it that two weeks later I am holding back on saying “yes” to this “deal” ?   Was it the lack of confidence I had in myself to NOT put down my phone ?  Was it the $50 ?  If I wanted to be irresponsible while on my own, that is one thing.   But wow – by me not agreeing to this, I am personally putting my daughter’s risk at life !!!!

So the following weekend I said to her, “I am ready to make that deal.”   She was excited and as wrong as this sounds, she was pretty confident she would be making some money.   For the months ahead,  she watched me like a hawk.   Only once in the first year, I had to give her a crisp $50 bill.  BUT  I actually do owe her for another time she “caught” me.  On that note I also need to confess the following.

There were other moments that she “won” but I would challenge her on it.  We would stop at a red light and I would say, “This doesn’t count.  The car isn’t moving.”   Or there were times my blue tooth wasn’t connecting properly and I would touch my phone to answer it.  I  would say, “OK Jenna, this is a time out as it is work related !! ” I tried to negotiate “time out’s” into our deal.

This is really hard for me to write.   I am actually very emotional writing this.  It is so wrong.  I can’t believe that this is how I “managed” our deal.

However, on another note, why did this deal only pertain to when she was in the car.  Why would I not make this deal with myself ?  I am very guilty of texting and e-mailing via my phone when driving.  Admission time.  Very guilty.

As you know, my territory is Vancouver Island.  There are days that I am driving 4 hours – not including from customer to customer – but two hours North or two hours South.  My phone is always next to me.   I look at it endlessly.   I responded to customers e-mails and texts when driving.  I do not respond to friends, as those aren’t as urgent. Seriously.  My thought process.  Ridiculous.

Three weeks before my holidays, I nearly drove off the side of the road.   Yes again distracted.  I thought to myself, “Wow that was definitely the sign I needed.  Time to stop.”  But no, I continued.

Two days ago, here in Canggu, I decided to rent my own scooter.  I did have some fear around driving it on my own, but I was also excited and up for the challenge.

The first day, I took it outside of the town, along a semi busy road, destination was only 25 minutes away.  I loved the independence and thrill of being on the bike.

Yesterday,  I decided to venture further, to a town called Ubud.   It is only 30km away however  heavier traffic and congested intersections.

My ride there went quite well.  I was having some fun along the way, stopping to take some pics of the beautiful lush scenery.   The only stress I had was when I was approaching busy intersections.   You see,  I downloaded an app called maps.me.  One can use this off line to give you directions as how to get from A to B.    My phone would rest in a pocket holding area in front of me.  So every time, I would approach a corner, it would say, “In 200 metres turn left.  Or right”.   However my challenge was, that because of all the heavy traffic noise around me,   I could never make out if it was saying left or right.  So I would continue riding and take it out to view which way the arrow was pointing.

On my ride home, as I was approaching one of the business intersections,  I heard the voice from my phone.   I felt nervous about pulling the phone out of the pocket.  But I did.  As I was approaching the intersection moving with the traffic,  phone in hand, I thought, “Shit, righ or left, right or left….!!!”   Well, as I started to turn right, my head started to spin and there were cars and bikes coming straight at me.  I panicked and accelerated.   I mean I really hit the gas.  I drove straight off the road and slammed into a pole.

When someone tells you how quickly an accident can happen, believe them.  When you loose control, you can’t regain it.   It honestly takes a second.  One of the worst feelings I have ever experienced.

After I hit the pole, I flew off the bike, my head slammed into the pavement or pole (I can’t remember) pieces of the bike flew off and I saw blood.  I was in shock.   Within 30 seconds, two men came running over from a shop.  They picked me up and walked me over to a table.

I kept saying, “Thank you, thank you…over and over again”.   All I kept thinking was what would I have done without them ?  I didn’t even know where I was ?

They took me over to an outdoor running tap and washed the blood off my legs.  It was then the one man, Putu, noticed how all the skin from my finger had been torn off.  He told me to sit down, try to relax and he ran off.   It is now that I know he ran home to get bandages and ointment.

When he returned, he took care of my wounds.  He asked where I was staying as he was trying to determine a plan for me.

All I know is that I put my trust in him.  He said the hospital was just down the road.  He insisted on taking me there as he was worried about infection with my finger.

When we arrive to the hospital, Putu communicated all to the staff.   When it was time for me to see the doctor, he sat patiently in the waiting room area.  I remember I looked out once, and there he was reading a newspaper.

When we were done, my understanding was that I would go to his home.   I was trying to piece it all together,  but I thought it was way easier to just follow his lead.

We arrived to his home, there were all these individual doors lined up with porches.   A few neighbours were outside,  several children were running around and within 20 minutes his lovely wife arrived home from work.

Putu told me to take a seat on his porch and he would get me some kopi luwak (a whole story behind how tasty this unique coffee is 🙂   As I made myself comfortable,  chatting with the kids, Putu left on foot, to collect my scooter.  When he returned, we sat for a short visit and then he offered to take me home.

I honestly think that the ride should have been another maybe 40min or so, but when I asked if he knew where Canggu was, he said yes.  Somehow it turned into a 1.5 hour drive.   At first I thought he was simply taking  a different route.  But he must have been thinking I was in a different area.

We drove all through Kuta and Denpasar – two big areas – I felt so bad as he could have gotten me home quicker.  I started assisting with my GPS and when it started to rain he  pulled over and gave me a rain poncho to put over my head.

When we pulled into Canggu,  he came with me to the scooter rental place.  He exchanged phone numbers with the gentleman who ran the shop, and they both agreed it would get picked up the next day.  I will find out the damage done later this afternoon.  But really who cares.  I am alive.

Even the gentleman who managed the shop was so kind.  He said to me, “I was very worried about YOU the other day when you came in to rent.  I don’t care about these scooters, I care about your life.  It is your holiday.  I did not want to see you getting hurt.”

Too be honest, I did not cry at all when accident happened.  Yes I was shaking.    But when the Manager said that to me, and I started to say my goodbye to Putu, it was then I started to cry.

I don’t know what I would have done if it was not for the kindness of this man.  He spent 5 hours with me.    If anyone needs faith restored in humanity, come visit these kind people in Indonesia.  I felt it when I was here 20 years ago, and it is still very much alive in their culture today.

I am not proud of my actions that I am sharing today.  But for me it is necessary.  I often find that by writing things down, it is easy for me to speak the truth.   I need to take responsibility not only for my life but for others around me.

I remember a specific memory, driving down a road, texting.  When I looked up I saw  children on the sidewalk, waiting at a bus stop.   I thought to myself, ” My God Kathy, what the hell are you doing ?  Those are people’s kids standing there.  I am now putting other children’s lives in danger.”  But did this stop me ?  No.

So yes, many of you will be angry with me.  I understand.   But I all can do is apologize.   I am sincerely sorry.

I also know that there are many of you out there who continue to do as I did.    So I challenge you all to stop.   And if y0u don’t, because you may need a wake up call like I just got, then at PLEASE  take the $50 challenge.   Do not jeopardize your own children’s life.

I learned a lot of lessons yesterday.  I shared my story about my accident last night on Facebook, however it was not till this morning that I decided to tell the truth as to why the accident happened.

I am so very grateful that I have been given this opportunity to make the changes.  Many are not as fortunate.

Only we can decide for ourselves, when it is time.

For me, it is right now.

I love you sis,

Kathy xo