Dear sis,

I just returned from visiting you at St. Vincent’s hospital.    Our brother Brian – Sergeant Samuel – just left to work the night shift – and his wife Lesley is downstairs getting the house ready for their Super Bowl party on Sunday.

As I walked through the door this evening, all I wanted to do was write – blog – about this incredible lady we – you, your daughter Samantha and I – met tonight in the hospital, while walking the hallway.   The 5th floor hallway of  St. Vincent’s Hospital in Ottawa.

Karen, you have now been in the hospital for almost 8 years.   Your “kids”, whom are now 16 and 19 have spent their early years visiting their mom on weekends, getting to know the nurses,  residents and their families.   It has been a such a journey for them.

Yesterday, as you know, I was there with your son Carter.   When we arrived at 1:00pm we were hoping to see you out of bed and in your wheelchair.  But as we walked in to the room, you were still lying in bed.  It was not a “good day” for you.  You had a lot of secretion and the nurse made the decision to let you rest in bed.

It is not easy for a 16 year old boy to see his mother in this condition.   He loves you so much.  Carter has always been a “mamma’s boy.”   I remember the earlier days, when you still lived at home.  You would lose your balance.  Fall down.   He would always run over to pick you up, make sure you were ok and often place a blanket over you when you were lying on the couch.  He was only 7 years old.    A young boy taking care of his mom.

There are days when visits are easier than others.  Yesterday, was a difficult one.   Carter and I left with heavy hearts.

However tonight,  your daughter and I left with full hearts.

When Samantha and I arrived, you were in your wheelchair.    I said to Samantha, “Let’s go walk the hallways.  I have a box of Purdy’s chocolates that I brought from Vancouver.  Let’s go visit some other patients.  Give them some company.”

I always try to get creative with my visits, especially when I have the kids with me.   As I know how difficult it can be for them to remain in the room.

As we walked the hallways, it is always so special how many people stop to say hello to you.    Many  commented on how much your daughter looks like you.

As we came around a corner, there was a lady at the nurses station.    We started talking about you, your kids, their ages ect.   She asked about JP.   So many people are asking about JP.    I simply respond, “He is taking care of himself right now.”

Karen, when I visit you, I always meet so many people, who put life into perspective for me.   A little reminder that is always good to have.  This lady at the nurses station, did that for me tonight.

Her name is Joceline.   She is a single mother from Africa, with 5 kids, ages 22, 17, 12, 10 and 7.    Her husband was killed while working in a missionary.

After her husbands death, the UN provided her with some money.   However, shortly afterwards,  the “thieves” – as she stated – arrived at her door, with guns.    Their intention was to get her to write a cheque and most likely kill her and her family.    She hid upstairs – with the children – and called her neighbour.   She talked about the details, how they shot the neighbour and fled.   She was grateful that she and her children survived.

In 2013, ten months after her husbands death, she left her small town in Africa and immigrated to Canada.   She was on her own with 5 children, her youngest could not even walk.

Jocelyn kept repeating the word “Courage.”  Courage is what you need in this world.   Courage.

After we left your room tonight Karen, I said to Samantha, “I want to go say goodbye to her and give her a hug.”

As we said our goodbye’s, I told her what a remarkable lady she is.   She then said, “I need to share with you, one more story.”

“There is a lady down the hall, who has been visiting her husband in this hospital, for the last 35 years.   They have two boys who are now grown and married.  This lady said to me, “I often get very sad when I see a couple walking down the street holding hands or I hear of couples planning holidays together.   I feel sad because I will never do or have this with my husband.”

Jocelyn’s response to this lady was….

“I want you to know that when I look at you, I think how lucky you are that you can sit with your husband, kiss his face, hold his hand, touch him.    I will never have that again with my husband.  I would give anything to have what you have.”

After Jocelyn told me this story, I said to her, “That is perspective.   Your husband gave you this gift.”

As Samantha and I walked to the car, we talked about the importance of perspective.

“When we lose our perspective, our operational wisdom is gone. Everything we know about coping, adapting and resilience are lost.  Small things appear to be much larger and more dire.  Stress mounts.”

Of course in life we all have setbacks.    But if you maintain perspective, maneuvering through life becomes a little easier.

Karen, you give me so much perspective in my life.  I want you to know that I carry this with me daily.  Thank you for this gift.

I love you sis,

Kathy xo

ps.  I love my visits at the hospital Karen, because everyone I meet tells me how very special you are.   You are so very loved.